you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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