so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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