I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
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