tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you win again, gameday.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
