i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
