I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
