wrigley field is MILF paradise
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
