i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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