Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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