It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Randomize
