He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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