remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
