so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
