i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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