You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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