I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
