i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he was CRYING into my vagina
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
