the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Randomize
