I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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