OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
