I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
