He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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