Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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