I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
