I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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