I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
