I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
