I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
