does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
