She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
