I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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