i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
