Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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