miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
