I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
