Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
