I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
