just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize