You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
