so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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