Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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