How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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