I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
