Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
