I didn't shave. On purpose
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
