I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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