after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
