I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
