She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Just took my morning after pill in the library
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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