thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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