Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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