Please, let me fuck your mom
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
