How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
