Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize