We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
