I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
