no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize