we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
