I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
