what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
How external is "for external use only"?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
