lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
