go do what you do best...puke behind churches
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
