Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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