It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I am full of burrito and curiosity
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
